A while back, we were having a chat with some friends who had come over. We had sort of a weekly thing going where we got together and shared our stories of triumph and woe concerning The Journey of following Jesus (outside the box/ sans Matrix).
One friend was sharing that while she was sojourning in Europe (I think it was Spain, I cannot remember for sure) that she was in part of the culture that still embraced the positive ideals of the "crone". Of course, in our culture that term has taken on a negative connotation (not quite fair, I think . . .). Anyway, she was encouraged to "acknowledge her inner-crone", so to speak.
Being somewhat of a rogue philologist ("word-geek" for those of you who are not as nerdy as I),
I bemused the question of since the word "crone" is for the feminine, I wondered what the equivalent for a man was.
Without missing a beat, my friend glibly and sardonically answered as she looked straight at me:
"Curmudgeon".
We all had a good laugh at that and I more so. But . . .
The next day I looked up the definition of "Curmudgeon" . . .
I still laugh, though there is a slight sting to it now. To be honest, it smacks close to home. Perhaps too close. I have to admit that where I am at in The Journey I find that I am not without my share of bitterness and cynicism over the things experienced in ICOR/The Matrix.
At first, this was a challenge for me to admit. After all, having left "the system" one gets tagged unfairly with a lot of labels: "Oh, he's just hurt" or "He's just bitter" or "He's just back-slidden/in rebellion/ not submitted . . ." yada-yada-yada. Blah-ba-blah-blah . . . blek. Yuck!
And I have to be honest: I do have some of that. In our brokenness, who does not? But, that crap does not define me. Nor does it define The Journey. IT just happens. Along the path of our journey we cannot help but at times to step in IT. One doesn't let that make them quit the journey. One simply pauses, wipes IT from the bottom of their shoes and goes on. Perhaps a bit more wary of watching out for more of IT along the way . . .
And perhaps for us men, acknowledging our inner-curmudgeon is a necessary thing. For sure, part of it is linked to the shadow. But what was it Jung said about the failure to acknowledge the shadow? So, I acknowledge my inner-curmudgeon (though I don't think embracing it would be a healthy thing . . . maybe an occasional hug???).
The one thing I do know for sure is this: There is always Hope. A Hope not dependent on where I am at or what ontological state that I happen to be at. But a Hope, Faith & Love that takes me as I am and transforms me, slowly un-twisting me from the knots within, some caused by outside forces. And some tied by me.
Leaving me a grateful vagabond and ragamuffin on The Journey.
Though at times I still get pissed at the ICOR/Matrix.
But that's just my inner-curmudgeon coming out. And that's cool . . .
Deal with it . . .
;-P
2 comments:
I can totally relate to what you're saying. Those feelings of bitterness, etc. jump out at you in the most unexpected moments. It usually happens to me when I'm least aware, and I tend to look for it more now and watch for it's stealthy attack. Even then I'm taken off guard by it at times. IT usually comes via someone in the matrix, and I usually go into the auto pilot fake smile and nod, ugh when it happens. We're human though, not perfect. I think the moment we admit that whatever feelings and emotions we're experiences lose power over us. Great post, loved it!
Yeah, I am always on the lookout for IT, but still manage to step in IT.
Fake smiles? I think I may have a patent-pending on 'em because I've worn so many . . .
;-P
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